RJK 5000

man, i’m on the alternative sleep schedule again.  but hey, it’s friday!

I felt so exhausted today.  oh the pain.  remember i ate that tums last night before i went to bed.  well, when i woke up this morning i burped and i tasted tums. ! don’t you think that’s weird and maybe abnormal.  i will stop whining about my digestive problems now.

yes, the gypsies were at the gym again.  i noticed they had plastic kmart shopping bags.  there isn’t even a kmart anywhere near the gym.  these ladies are so weird.

i received a cute gift item tonight for no reason.  the giftgiver simply wanted me to have it.  he took the time to go to the store to buy it for me.  sometimes i can’t believe the simplest things.

i’m going to sleep now.  friday means reaching out for some fun and relaxation.  oh, and scallops are on sale at our top favorite grocery stores.  let’s enjoy some with a good chardonnay.

this evening i attended the annual homeowner’s association meeting.  it was pretty boring.  i thought i didn’t like most of my neighbors but they actually seemed like they were on the ball with things, so it was all right.  one lady brought her son who looked like he was in junior high.  he sat next to me and was getting all bored and fidgety when we were discussing the financials.  then he leaned back in his seat and put his hands on the back of his head so his elbow was right next to my face.  it made me uncomfortable.  you know that thing when someone twirls their finger right by your ear and say, “how can i be bothering you, i’m not even touching you,”  it was kind of like that.  i leaned forward in my seat so my shoulder hit his elbow and then he moved out of my way.  later on that kid nominated me to serve on the board.  what the.

my brother suggested that my stomach problem might actually be a mental problem!  he doesn’t believe that almost every food i eat would cause my belly to swell up all huge and weird with gas.  i wish it were a mental problem, then i could just eat food and exercise and never have to see a doctor.  i’m actually looking forward to seeing the doctor now because i am tired of feeling this way.  i wanted to take another zantac but i just took tums instead.  fruity tums is too sweet.  i might use them in a cupcake recipe.

the tums made my stomach weird!  i feel mad about that.  i am going to bed.

So, I have another theory about what is causing my acid reflux: pilates. when mari winsor talks you through the pilates 100 in the workout video, she says something about feeling some warmth around your heart. i don’t know about you but that sounds an awful lot like heartburn to me.

i have heartburn right now, but i also ate so much garbage today that it is my fault. i feel so sick. i might take a zantac for fun. i just took a zantac.

i actually called the doctor’s office today. there was a phone number printed on my health insurance card. i remember choosing a physician from the provider directory when i enrolled. i picked a lady with a good ethnic name whose office is in a good part of pasadena. she is israeli. i googled her today and here is her photo. she looks young, i think i have seen her at the bar before. on doctorscorecard.com, her score was 5 out of 10. great. anyway, the phone number printed on my card was incorrect. of course it was.  i almost gave up, but that would have been lame. i finally set up an appointment except the date for it is so far away, i will literally be in the next decade of my life. it’s okay, i told myself i’d start seeing the doctor when i turned 20 anyway.

whoa, i think zantac works.

i ran (actually i walked; i had esophageal discomfort) on one of the new treadmills at the gym today. it had a fan built into the instrument panel to keep you cool. i was disappointed the propellers didn’t actually spin, just there for looks i guess. the white gypsy asked me to pardon her because all her plastic bags were taking up so much space in the locker room. she is weird, but i like her now. the naked asian gypsy had even more weird plastic bags but didn’t say a word. i can feel myself not liking her more and more every time i see her. i usually use the same locker every time, but today i couldn’t because all her stuff was in the way. It was just so annoying. whoa, i feel so mad right now! haha!

okay. i better go. have a happy wednesday.

from my brother:

was it you or your ma who sent me a pic on my cell phone of me with chopsticks in my nose?

Tonight i just chilled and watched hell’s kitchen. it was kind of a boring episode but at least they showed some greasy scallops (overcooked.) i still want jumbo scallops, cooked to perfection.

nothing else is really up. everyone who cares about me told me i should see a doctor about my stomach. i don’t think i have irritable bowel syndrome anymore so i might make an appointment, but i’m really just waiting for the home blood and stool antibody testing kits to be invented. along with the home pap smear…

other than my chronic gastritis and sleep deprivation, i’ve been feeling cool, calm, and content. i like where things are headed.  if i manage to figure out the health insurance thing and make an appointment with a “doctor” about my “stomach problem” i will be proud of myself.  can i do it.  will i do it.

I had a nice Sunday. Cynthia’s baby shower was the best baby shower ever. No oohing and ahhing over baby pajamas with a bunch of girls. It was mostly a punk rock barbecue and beer fest (the perfect way to welcome a child into the world.) It was awesome hanging out with everyone, but it was one of those events that made you stop and think, “damn, i’m old.” then you look around and see nothing but people you have known for a very long time and know it’s not so bad. you say afterall, you’re not afraid of dying. but are you afraid of growing old?

afterwards, chilled out and watched robot chicken. maybe i did really only laugh once. it was kind of funny stuff though, could’ve been more. also watched an affair to remember. I bought that movie just because i love cary grant in the last scene. haha “cary grant.”

i went swimming today and i was appalled by my poor swimming endurance. three laps and i was so winded i almost drowned in the shallow end. maybe i should start “training” but then going to the pool wouldn’t feel like a minivacation anymore, and I need to keep as many portals to minivacationism as i can.

i said something pretty egotistic to my friend tonight. he said jokingly, “i know girls like you, i know how you work.” haha sure. you know what i said. i said, “you don’t know any girls like me.” like i’m something special or something, but you know what, i don’t think i was even joking. was it okay. yes, i loved his response. and then i loved the way he scooped the ice cream out of the carton. this was the sweetest day of my life.

Happy Sunday. I got the best night of sleep that I have gotten in a long time. I guess I was pretty exhausted from earlier nights of poor sleep and early-afternoon beer drinking. so it felt kind of good to crash out before the hour of no return. would have liked to have had some whiskey and watched terrible late-night television programming (eg, cheaters) on the rotating bed. but next time.

yesterday i had some dinner and drinks in chinatown with jonny. it was cool. do you think it is weird that we are still good friends. i think it would be weird if we weren’t, considering we are both good people who want the best for each other. yes, lots of times it is best to just disconnect and move on, especially when the other party was a total jerk. but why were you dating a total jerk in the first place.

I’m drinking starbucks and eating a giant strawberry that looks like a catchers’ mitt. it is sweet. my stomach feels all right. i gave up on gluttony. later today i will be attending a baby shower for the alluring cynthia (we love her.) Don’t baby showers usually have snacks though. like cupcakes with blue or pink frosting shaped like a diaper or something.  “If I can have just one dab of frosting and then stop, I’ll know I’ve conquered food at last.”

well, it looks as though I’ve got a little bit of time before I need to start getting ready for cynthia’s event.  There is nobody in the swimming pool right now so I think I will go catch some rays and take a dip even.  This is the most exciting day of my life. 

Happy saturday cereal and folgers.  except i splurged and brewed us starbucks, black as a smooch.  and there are fresh raspberries in the cereal.  this is the happiest day of my life.

last night i ate extra dark chocolate of varying percentages of cocoa (all >60%) and traditional chex mix, and drank the johnny walker red that my mom gave me.  watched a funny gory zombie flick too.  along with good company, kind of a nice way to spend a friday night.

i’m guessing i have irritable bowel syndrome.  my guts feel fine as long as i don’t eat anything comprised of complex amino acid chains, garlic, saturated fat, or about a million other tasty normal things that frat boys take for granted.  during summer vacation around junior high school time, i used to eat microwaveable minicheeseburgers from price club.  a bunch of them in a row with coke and some hostess cupcakes.  now would i eat sliders, drink jack and diet coke, and eat half of a red velvet cupcake, i don’t even think so.

Anyway.  it is saturday.  what are we going to do.  i need a suntan, a mahi mahi, and a sombrero.

Okay.  I’m about to go to sleep.  I watched hannibal rising tonight and thought it was pretty okay.  i like when the movies make you sympathize with the psychopaths.  no good throw-up scenes though.

happy friday.  my stomach hurts.  my mom said i should call the doctor.  i’ve never been to the doctor.

i am tired.  i went out for the ritz’s birthday party for our once yearly meeting.  it was actually the third time i’ve seen her this year which is amazing and great luck.  she rules.  it’s kind of funny how the same great group of people gets together every year and it’s all because we love the ritz.  when i was leaving the party, janet gave me a hug and said, “see you next year.”  that’s just how it is and it’s cool.

I think i will let myself get some sleep tonight.  but first, some bicep curlz and crunches.

oh yeah, i bought zantac 150 at my third favorite supermarket today.  third favorite?  yes, there is a third favorite and it’s a ralphs.  !  the horror.  the zantac is for heartburn, which i don’t really have, but it was on clearance and i’m a sucker for clearance items.  also, i have a feeling the EGCG in my “weight sense” target brand multivitamin contributes to my irish gut syndrome.  i get kind of cracky and weird and my stomach gets loopy.  irish gut sucks but it keeps me from overeating.  weight sense.

okay.  good night.