RJK 5000

Hi.  I feel so fat and lazy right now.  Today I drank two glasses of wine and then Jonny and I met up with Samir at the Yardhouse.  I drank a Racer 5 and a Widmer.  And I haven’t felt the same since.  I came home and passed out for a couple of hours.  I’m awake now but I don’t feel like doing anything.

I had a pretty good weekend.  My boss allowed me to work from home on Friday for the first time.  It was pretty cool.  I actually did work even though you don’t believe me.  It’s nice doing work while I Love Lucy is on the television screen and Charlotte is jumping on your head.  It’s also good because you can close shop early and celebrate the happy hour.  Jonny and I hit up the Yardhouse, then went to Famima (my new favorite minimarket), and the new Barney’s Beanery in Old Town Pas.  I want to work from home more often, but it seems too good to happen. 

Last night was the Check It Out Skateboarding for Girls Magazine Awards party.  Liza asked me if I would work the door for her, checking people off the guestlist and checking IDs and stuff.  One thing for sure is that job is not fun.  The list was not in alphabetical order.  And what do I care about checking people’s IDs.  Haha.  Another girl was working with me and I’m glad she was really cool.  We did not take our job seriously and just tried to get drunk.  I think I kind of made her do most of the work though.  You would like her though, she is very cute and funny.  She told some goofy guy that we had to search his backpack and then we confiscated his Bud Light.  haha.  The party (from what I could tell from the door) was really good.  I got to mingle a little bit.  Chad Muska was there, but does anyone even care about him anymore.   Monster Energy Drink was one of the sponsors so I drank vodka on the rocks with a splash of sugar-free Monster and it was actually pretty good.  You can view some party photos here. 

I did sorta bad on the super diet this weekend.  Too many non-diet beers.  We’ve been going to the Yardhouse too much. And you can’t order a diet beer there unless you want to be lame.

I attended the Homeowners’ association meeting tonight.  The lady with the wine-stain rash who tried to close the gate on me that one time was all nice and calling me by name and thanking me for attending.  She even asked how my dog is doing.  What the. She is a school psychologist, but also a patient I bet.  One other person and I were like the only ones there who voted to raise our dues by 5%.  The majority voted for 10%.  The one other person is some crazy guy who I heard yell into his cell phone, “6000!  you’re my brother! fuck off!”  Haha.  Crazy people live here.

super diet day 40-something: I ate less than 800 calories today.  I wanted to eat more but I wasn’t hungry.  Can you believe it.  I lost another 0.5 pounds.  It might be fake though.  I still don’t fit into my favorite jeans.  Keep going.

I just tried to brush Charlotte’s teeth with one of those battery-powered toothbrushes.  She wasn’t down for it at all.

I am tired.  I think I might go to bed early even though it’s going to be boring.

Jonny is brewing another batch of beer in the mr. beer kit.  I saw him squirt honey into the mixture.  I can’t wait until it’s done.  I don’t know what he names his beer, but I have names for mine and I never even brew myself.  Judd’s is Judweiser, which I thought was pretty cute.  I forgot what Jose’s is, maybe he never even named his.  Anyway, mine is Joyhogger (orange you glad i didn’t say rjk5000).  Joyhogger Lager.  And the low-carb brew is going to be called Joyhogger Jogger.  And the nonalcoholic one (but there will really be alcohol in it; shhh) will be the Joyhogger Dodger.  Maybe the super dank dark one will be the Joyhogger Muddyfogger.  The fruity one will be the Joyhogger Kung Fu Punch.  Our favorite one will be the Joyhogger Permanent Saturday.  I can sit here and think of beer names all night.  Lee Orange Cod Pirate Brew. 

In super diet news, I seemed to have lost one pound.  One pound.

I have been drinking Lactaid brand lactose-free milk lately.  It’s good.  I enjoy drinking a glass of iced cold milk on a hot day.  The thought of that would have made me throw up when I was in elementary school.  Or what about honkeys who drink milk with their Thanksgiving turkey and gravy.  Haha, that doesn’t really gross me out anymore either.  Might be kind of good actually.

The other day I opened up a fresh carton of Lactaid, but when I poured it the milk was brown.  Gross.  It smelled fine though.  I called 1-800-LACTAID this morning and the nice lady told me the milk got caramelized during ultrapasteurization.  caramelized.  yum.  I liked how she already knew the expiration date and the approximate time stamped on the carton.  They seem pretty on the ball over there.  I am going to receive coupons for free Lactaid.  don’t worry, I’m not going to drink the caramelized milk even though i secretly want to.  bonus points for me for posting a photo. 

I got email from old navy about their new line of blue jeans.

Check them out.  I think they look terrible.

I guess I should be getting to sleep soon.  I don’t want to though, I like staying up late again. 

Today someone asked me to do a favor for them.  I said yes even though I kind of wanted to say no.  But it is nice to help someone if you can, right.  She just asked very nicely and told me that if I helped, a huge weight would be lifted off her shoulders.  Of course then.  One thing I dislike is when someone asks for something by prefacing it with a reminder of how they helped you out one time.  “Since I let you use my library card, can I borrow your TI-85?”  Nerdy lame example.  But you know what I mean.  Remind me to be nice to you by being nice to me, not by reminding me that you were nice to me one time.

Yes, I’m enjoying the record heat.  I just wish for permanent Saturday.

I did okay on the super diet today.  I ate pad see ew, but not a lot.  Today I told the Ritz I was craving pad see ew, and then later on Jonny showed up with some.  Amazing.  I made an awesome salad.  My stomach feels flatter but barely.  My rib cage appeared more visible today.  Still no actual loss in weight.  Theory of increased muscle mass is controversial.

Had a nice mellow weekend.  Jonny and I went drunken bike riding at 2AM and it was still pretty hot outside even at that hour.  I had my flask with me but drinking warm liquor on a bike ride isn’t very refreshing.  So after we rode bikes we went swimming and cooled off.  We are fun.

Today we went to the Yardhouse.  I got buzzed off of a Blue Moon and a glass of Cellar 8 cabernet.  We ate lamb chops too, which is weird, but very good.  Afterwards we drank some Dead Guy Ales and I let Charlotte taste some of the beer and she liked it.  I passed out for a couple of hours.

I cheated on the super diet this weekend.  I ate a piece of tiramisu.  And discovered Dark Chocolate M&Ms.  I still haven’t lost any weight; I keep gaining.

Just got back from the Orange County Fair.  It was pretty fun.  $1 for a taster of award-winning wines.  Tasted a full bottlesworth of hot-life wine for mere dollars. Saw cattle and little piglets who were breastfeeding with their eyes closed.  Way cuter than human babies.  Drank beer and walked around.  Saw Gnarls Barkley and Peeping Tom.  Peeping Tom was less boring than I expected.  Mike Patton looked sharp in his white suit, hairnet and all.  Gnarls was kind of boring but okay.  I sold my extra tickets to a couple of young stoners who had never heard of Mike Patton, Faith No More, or Mr. Bungle.  Young people these days have never heard of Faith No More, that’s weird.  They also don’t know Punky Brewster.  Probably not even Knight Rider.  Being old isn’t that bad.  Cee-Lo has a great voice.

The new weaksauce cholo guy who moved into the complex just chills in his boxer shorts.  I’ve seen him like three times just walking around the parking garage or parking lot or courtyard or whatever in his boxers.  Grossest part is that it appears to be the same pair of underwear every time.  I’m so bummed the bassist from Midnight Oil didn’t move in.  He would have been a cool neighbor.

I have to do dishes and stuff but I’m going to skip.  I have alcohol in my system and I want to enjoy the feeling.

Hi.  I am on my new computer.  I got a new notebook.  It is lightweight and looks cooler than my old one, but the screen seems kind of low-budge and hurts my eyeballs.  Also, it is a refurbished one because I am kind of low-budge.  We work fine though.  I still need to find someone of nonspecific ethnicity to repair my old computer. 

I want to write about stuff but I am dehydrated.  I just want to drink some water and watch television.  Bye.